Why Do I Want To Die?

I’m back and yes life’s still crap. Everyday feels the same and I’m just fed up with being me. Everything I ever try to do I fail miserably at and most of the time all I can think about is killing myself. Why is it that life is so hard? I hate it! I have turned 30 since the last time I was on here and I feel like I’m running out of time. I feel like I’m going to be dead soon and I’m going to die with my life a sham. It’s actually really pathetic how pathetic I actually am. All I ever do is winge and moan about how crap life is. I just feel like something’s missing. Like something’s not right but eventually it might turn out alright, well either that or I’ll get put out of my misery and die. I can only hope. People probably hate me for saying stuff like this. They’re probably like “just be grateful for what you’ve got and that you are alive!” because they’ve probably got someone who’s died that’s close to them or is dying and I understand that but I can’t help how I feel and the thing is I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I didn’t feel like that, but I do and I still have to wake up every damn morning and want to die. It’s just how I feel, I can’t help it.